One (or more – likely more given the final score) of you Gamecock “fans” is responsible for the disgusting loss to Texas A&M in the first game of the 2014 season.
Somebody out there cursed our team leaving a home win streak, opening game streak and our dignity in the crapper, and we need to know who it is!
Some student or alum or general fan changed up their routine and cost us the game. You know what I mean. We’re die-hard college football fans and that means we’ve all got our own little rituals, superstitions, practices, voodoo, talismans or ceremony.
“Oh, I’ve [fill in the blank] since the Missouri game last year and we’ve won ever since!”
Who wore a different outfit? Huh? Was it YOU?
Did you put on your socks in the same order or did you forget or … maybe you decided to change it up and got left-right instead of right–left. FOOL! Socks are magical! You can’t mess with socks!
Please, PLEASE don’t tell me you were wearing a Steve Garcia jersey or a Lou Holtz era hat! PLEASE!
Who WASHED their gamecock gear? Cleaned the victory RIGHT OUT OF US! Yeah you did!
Maybe you went with spicy this year instead of mild?
This 2014 team is supposed to be THE ONE, so it couldn’t have been them. It had to be one of YOU. One of YOU did something differently, new or maybe not at all and that little something, that flatulence-in-the-kitchen threw everything off.
Did you change your BBQ sauce recipe? Huh? Wanted a little extra kick? IDIOT!
What did you have for breakfast?
Where did you sit last night?
What time did you get up?
TELL THE TRUTH!
Did you switch to another adult beverage?
Did you get drunk before kickoff instead of staying sober – or vice versa?
If you went to the game, did you take the SAME route?
Where did you park, either at the game, home or elsewhere?
Did you watch this game somewhere different than the last?
Did you get (or not get) a haircut?
Did you say the blessing before eating? (If not, you’ve got to answer to both Jesus AND Spurrier.)
Somebody out there messed up. Somebody out there ate crispy instead of regular and caused huge holes to open up in our defensive line.
SOMEbody wore their hat wrong and disabled the Gamecocks’ ability to tackle
SOMEbody didn’t paint their fingernails in the right order and caused our defensive backs to leave pass routes completely unguarded.
We’ve goit a bunch more games to play, so whoever messed up better get back on track FAST!
It wasn’t light mayonnaise, was it?